In Israel there are no civil weddings. Even though many members of the society are not religious, every wedding is, to one extent or another. So if a Jewish person and a non-Jew want to marry, they must do so abroad. In this case, this was not a complication. On the way to the wedding, my guide for the night explained to me a bit of what a typical Jewish wedding looked like, and on the way back explained that what I’d just attended was very modern and pretty secular. But it was great, and interesting nonetheless.
The gate to the parking lot was guarded, as usual in this country, but we were let in easily when we identified the wedding we were attending. The walkway was lit beautifully by oil lamps which let off a light delightful scent and it guided us to the welcoming table. There we were offered champagne and the servers helped us find our nameplate that told us where we’d be sitting for the dinner after the ceremony. It was the clearest and sweetest champagne I’ve ever tasted! Anyway, and there was the box to the right of the table that my guide had described to me.
It is customary to bring cash for the bride and groom. I had brought my part, but like the American I am, I had bought a nice card, written a happy message (in Hebrew!), and included the cash in the card. But no. That’s not the way. They had envelopes available and my guide suggested I should not put my card in the box in its pretty envelope, but remove the cash and put it in the provided envelope and write my name on it like everyone else. So, I did. She told me about websites you can go to that ask you questions about how you know the people getting married (school, work, related, etc.), how long you’ve known them, how close you are, etc. and then it calculates how much you should give. That way, the extravagant weddings they throw do not end them out on the street as newlyweds. :-)
After putting our envelopes in, we admired the location on the way over to the reception, which preceded the ceremony. We were greeted by the bride and groom and family, offered more drinks and appetizers, and chatted with the other guests. I got use some of my ISL (yay!), and had to laugh at myself when I thought I knew someone who turned out to be a main character on an ISL instructional DVD I had used in the states. But she was very gracious and chatted with me a bit about why I’m in Israel, her work, etc.
Somehow it was signaled that the ceremony was going to begin, so we all walked over to the place and they raised the chupa. Like a kipa (the chupa is meant to symbolize that there is always someone above us. We are not the top. It is also symbolic of the new home the couple will make.
The ceremony began with joyful music that people sang along with and clapped as the bride and groom entered, and the groom lifted her veil up and then back down (I don’t remember it all, but afterwards someone told me that was symbolic of the old days when the veils were dark and opaque. The groom would lift it up to make sure he had the right girl. No one wanted to end up like Jacob. ;-) (http://www.biblestudytools.com/genesis/passage.aspx?q=Genesis+29:14-30))
Most of the ceremony was done in song, singing one blessing or contract after another. The groom presented his bride with the marriage contract and they sang a bit of it (traditionally it would say, you know, how many camels he was paying for her, etc. and the whole thing would be read before all the guests, but apparently this was much more modern and only a portion was read.) I didn’t have an interpreter with me (although there was an ISL interpreter who I could not understand. ;-)), but I heard over and over how modern the bride is, how this is probably the second time in her life to ever wear a skirt, and how she is quite a feminist. I can’t imagine they would have a very traditional contract. ;-) Anyway, it was presented, and sealed with the groom sipping from the wine. Later he also gave her a ring which would be traditionally a very costly gift from the man to the woman, put on her right pointer finger, and later transferred to her left ring (I’m not sure why).
Then there were the seven blessings. The rabbi called up each person and they read off the blessing in Hebrew (except the bride’s aunt from the USA gave one in English), and each drank from the wine to kind of seal it.
Then the bride did her vows—she managed to hold in her happy tears till the very end. :-)
There was some more singing and clapping along, and finally the groom made a declaration and broke the glass, which I had been told symbolizes remembering the destruction of the temple even during joyous occasions. However, another guest told me there is a bit more risqué symbolism regarding the wedding night. Long ago, the guests would go to eat while the bride and groom entered a tent right then and there, and exit later with the sheet to prove the bride’s purity. I’ve heard of that kind of tradition in many many cultures. Of course nothing of that sort went on with this wedding!
After he broke the glass the whole party erupted in cheers, clapping, singing, and everyone crowded around the bride and groom with hugs and congratulations for quite some time before heading over to the tables for the (second?) reception.
I guess the meal following the ceremony is usually three courses and a dessert, but this one had combined the meat and veggie courses, which I was happy for because it meant I wouldn’t have to wait through the meat and fish courses before I could get my salads. Israel’s idea of salads is kind of like Italy’s! But they’re better here. Not a lettuce base with other veggies mixed in, but rather a carrot salad (grated carrots and sauce), a cabbage salad (grated cabbage and other sauce), a tabouli salad (small grain and herbs chopped very small), and lettuce salad (chopped up lettuce), etc. Tasty, but still striking me as humorous to be called “salad”.
Between the dinner and dessert, the parents of the bride and groom gave speeches (like toasts) accompanied by slideshows of the children growing up, etc. They met when they were in fourth grade, but didn’t start dating until ten years later when they were both serving in the military. The bride had told her mom that she had a new surprise boyfriend and her mom was happily shocked when he walked in and it was a boy she’d known for most of his life! And as they say here, voila!
Then dessert with multiple choices (of course I tried a bit of each ;-)), and coffee. All made without milk, to keep the meal kosher. The coffee came only with soy milk, and the ice cream was strikingly white! They told me it was soy ice cream, but having tried many kinds of vegan ice cream in the states, I think it tasted much more like coconut milk ice cream. Anyway, it was good.
And then dancing! So. much. fun! I love the dance music they play here. Songs I here nowadays in the USA, but also songs like “Do the Twist”, “I’ve Got Chills”, “Rock Around the Clock”, and “Hit The Road, Jack”. Crack me up! And of course good dance music is repetitive enough that even when they played songs in Hebrew, by halfway through the song I could start singing along during the chorus. :-) Although I have to say when a couple of the songs came on, I instinctively looked around to see who was swing dancing to them, and was momentarily surprised that everyone else was totally unaware that this was the called-for behavior to those particular songs. :-p But I was glad to see that people kept bringing the bride water as she danced the night away. :)
We danced for a few hours and then walked to the car, which was parked over by the ruins of an ancient aqueduct (it’s so cool that you can be at a totally contemporary dance fest, and walk a few meters and be beside ancient ruins here), admired the moon, and mars, which is the closest it will be to the Earth for the next several thousand years, I’ve heard, and plopped down in the car for the ride back.
I arrived back at the dorm in time to help my friend with her final packing, and help her carry her luggage up to the taxi. Le sigh. Back to a new beginning.
On my way back to my room, I met others coming back from the beach and we were greeted by a dog that had somehow gotten in the dorm! They had named him Shlomo! And he is adorable, though I haven’t seen him around today. :-/
ooooooooooooh cute dog!!! :) Keep him! ;)
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